A Facebook Meme Rant

Lately I've been seeing this meme posted and shared across FaceBook land. It hit me wrong the first time I saw it, but I'm really good at scrolling on by and not starting drama. The second time I saw it I started to reply, but then chose not to because I'd be writing an epistle. But I kept seeing it, and my heart breaks every time.

First of all, for those who call themselves Christians (and everyone I've seen post this would say they are a Christian I believe), is there any time when we "should" be scared? Terrified, even? Where is our trust in God? There are SO many verses about not being afraid, but believing. Even in bad situations. Even when Christians are being persecuted and killed. God has a greater plan, and evil cannot win in the end.

I am the mother of sons. I am also the mother of daughters. I have been studying and researching trauma and abuse recently, mostly spiritual abuse but it seems quite intertwined with sexual abuse. And what I've been learning has been heartrending. Especially in true life stories, told to me by friends who have lived it.

Statistics show that less than 5% of reported sexual abuse is false. Less than 5%. That's a staggeringly low number. That means 95+% of the time when someone, male or female, says they were abused, they are right.

In contrast, many victims of sexual abuse will never find the courage to say anything about it. Why? Because they won't be believed. They don't have hard evidence. They are traumatized and dissociate, hiding those memories so far back they don't even seem to exist any more. They feel ashamed. They don't know it was wrong, even though it made them feel dirty/yucky/guilty. They feel guilty. They wonder if they asked for it, if they were somehow at fault. In our culture, in our day and age, those are very valid feelings and concerns.

Get this. Only about 30% of sexual abuse is actually reported. That means 70% isn't reported. One of the biggest reasons? The victim fears he or she won't be believed. When only 5% of reports are false... this meme is in actuality very far from reality.

My biggest concern with it? Is that it assumes the son is right, and is always going to be right. Let's face it, our children don't always make the right choices. To predetermine that my son is going to be in the right no matter what is choosing to be blind to the possibility he might be in the wrong. If something comes up, don't automatically assume that it's an unfounded smear campaign. It might be. But chances are, it isn't. Don't just assume that because someone, and sexual abusers can be male or female, seems to be doing everything right, that they are safe. So many victims have been silenced because their abuser was the "godliest man in church" or a church leader... and no one would believe their story if they did find the courage to tell.

Be careful. Tread softly. Walk in truth and compassion. Listen deeply. Care. There is hope, restoration, and healing for victims... and the repentant offender.

(This is not a political article. I understand the controversy raging right now in politics and I am not in a position to comment on that. My goal here is to help those who are true victims gain the confidence that they will be heard and not drug through the mud because they had the courage to speak out, and to gain a compassionate ear for them to speak to.)

(Percentage info taken from https://www.nsopw.gov/(X(1)S(hrrztxcs5nbyiq5wrxfvvnvr))/en-US/Education/FactsStatistics?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1 )