But, Feelings!

So many times I have been told, "You can't go by your feelings. You need to just do this anyway." Only to watch that person turn around and use that to force me to do what they didn't feel like doing themselves.

"Suck it up, Buttercup."

"Put your big girl panties on and just do it."

"Deal with it."

"You can't live by your feelings."

Feelings are so often dismissed as problematic, for anyone who isn't feeling them at that moment. Or, called out as sin. But feelings, in and of themselves, are not sin. And they tell us an important story of how we're really doing inside. God created us in His image. He acknowledges His feelings, and I believe He wants us to do same.

We can't dismiss our feelings and pretend they don't exist. If we do that, they bottle up inside of us and cause problems later, that may or may not be able to be traced back to these feelings. That doesn't mean we act on our feelings, either, but we should be aware of them. Being aware of how we feel without trying to stifle them can actually help not acting them out. If I feel like I'm becoming upset, instead of trying to pretend it's not there, I can trace it back to the source. Maybe, like this morning, Candi was sitting in my lap and constantly moving. She was pulling my hair pretending to fix it, stealing her brother's markers, insisting I tickle her, and pushing me over the edge to sensory overload as I was also dictating a spelling list to one child, helping another child figure out where on his blank map the Battle of Trafalgar happened, and giving oral math problems to the other. I started getting frustrated. Then I realized that I needed to nip this in the bud before I blew up at someone. In a matter of seconds I had sensed the reason, realized it was not anyone's fault so there was no need to get upset, and dealt with the sensory overload by implementing the boundary that Candi needed to sit still and be quiet if she wanted to remain on my lap. School went on without interruption, and soon I wasn't feeling upset anymore.

Don't deny your feelings. Don't hide from yourself, even if it isn't pretty. Bring it to light. Face it. If it's not a good feeling that will have good results from acting on it (and here, even anger is sometimes a good thing depending on the circumstances), then you need to dig deep to the bottom of why you're having that feeling, and deal with the root cause.

It's ok to feel. It's very important to acknowledge how you feel. So often we are silenced by judgement, either from within or from others. "Don't you know anger is a sin? If you're angry at that person, it's the same as murdering them, so you're basically a murderer by feeling this way!" Stuffing that anger, pretending it's not there, isn't really helping anyone. Honestly confronting the anger, and digging into why it's there, brings healing.

That doesn't give excuse to act, or not act, because of the way we feel. Feelings are very, very real. They should not drive us, neither should we ignore them.  As in the opening paragraph, what that person told me was right, but they refused to live by that themselves and created a lot of hurt and resentment. I have the power to create a place of healing by putting my feelings where they rightfully belong, acknowledged but not master, and allowing others to have their feelings too, without judgement.