First Day of School

It's the first day of school for the 2018-2019 school year!

Aren't my scholars adorable?!

This tyke, now a big 3 year old, is doing school officially for the first time this year. She is SO delighted to be included. AND so cute I might add!

And this beautiful girl is finishing up a bit of 1st grade, and doing a bunch of second grade since she's determined to be ahead of "schedule". Her favorite pastime this summer was reading books like the "Little House" books. I'm impressed!

This sweet boy is going into 3rd, and he's been begging to start since we finished in the spring! He loves to learn new things. Especially if it has anything to do with machines. Like his daddy, maybe?

 SIXTH GRADE. 

How can that be?! I mean, wasn't it yesterday we were digging out the kindergarten supplies? Somehow, he's growing up.

Life in Grayscale

I've struggled with depression for years. To some, that may come as a surprise. To others, it's been quite obvious. It first came to my attention as anger--irrational and barely controlled rage that would rear its ugly head periodically. At first I was frustrated and confused. Where was this coming from? After all, good Christians with a real walk with God don't get depressed. If they are, they've failed. I'd failed enough in my life, I wasn't going to allow this to be added to the list.

But then I slowly realized even on good days the color had drained out of life. Everything seemed
bleak. I didn't enjoy things I used to love. It wasn't so much feeling down, the typically stereotypical signs of depression, it was just... grayness. Day after day after day. Mundane drudgery, even the "fun" stuff. I was SO tired. Tired of feeling tired. Eventually that accumulated until I felt like life was worthless. I was worthless. Heaven looked so attractive, and I got tired of burdening my family with my despair.

Yes, that meant what you think it means. I wished I were dead. And I thought about how it might happen. I'm not proud of those moments. When life felt like an unbearable burden and there was no way out. I was crying out for help, and no one heard. No one wanted to listen. I felt so alone. 

Then someone DID care enough to listen. Someone who was able to put an official name to the depression, and validated the label I had so feared. (And I am SO grateful to that precious, lovely woman!) I had clinical depression. And hope. Just the tiniest little glimmer. Depression can be fought. There are things to do, medications to take, to help my brain overcome these issues. I chose to try some other things outside of medication first, to see if that would help. So I ran. I took a few vitamins sporadically. But most of all, now that I had a label, certain people started to listen. And I could be honest. It was a hard road. I still had bad days. Life was still gray. But I could feel just a little bit better. I could see what I was doing was taking the edge off my issues, little by little. There was relief.

But I knew there was still something wrong, somewhere. Someone we sought for counsel told me that depression is a sign of unforgiveness, and that night I cried myself to sleep, again. I knew the dire warnings in the Bible about forgiving others so God would forgive us. I HAD forgiven people, as much as I knew how. I had said the words, had prayed the words, had tried as hard as I knew how to forgive as much as possible. Somehow I knew that he was right, but I didn't know what else to do. 

The Lord led us to a lovely couple about that time, and I immediately connected with the wife while we attended a conference they were speaking at. However, they lived a long ways away, and I didn't think we would be able to go see them for help. My wonderful husband said we were doing what it takes to find help. That we were in this together. So we went.

And I learned how to really forgive. I had said the words sincerely, trying to ignore the pain and hurt the offense had caused. I had forgiven and tried my best to forget. Now, I was guided to go back in time and release the pain simmering under the surface. Facing memories I had hoped to forget altogether. Reliving them. Allowing the pain to twist and turn. Letting the tears and the anger alike flow. To grapple with the depravity in my heart, and the depravity in other hearts that had deeply affected my life. And then, facing the anguish, to choose release. Just when I thought there was no way I could ever make it through the mire, the festering volcano of pain, to the path of forgiveness, Jesus stepped in. He wrapped me in His arms and took care of the price. I signed the check of forgiveness, so to speak, but it came from His account. 

And I was set free. HE set me free. I could see color again. And He danced over me with joy and delight, rejoicing in the woman HE created me to be. And how that woman is coming to be, is a story for another day. 

New beginnings

Yesterday, July 15, Jaron chose to be baptized as a profession of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. 

We couldn't be more... well, not sure what the right word would be! Proud? Happy? Blessed? Thankful? Awed? There were tears in my eyes as I saw his joy and confidence. Tears of amazement. A lot of excitement. And just a tiny spot in my heart was feeling a bit of a quiver of apprehension. After all, we've never done this before. We've never had the opportunity to disciple a child, now a brother in the Lord. It's a great responsibility and I feel woefully unprepared! How do we lead this little boy, fast growing into a young man, so full of life and hope, visions and dreams? His exuberance, his whole-heartedness in everything he puts his mind to, his total love of people... He is such a blessing!

And it's been a very reassuring journey for me, as well, watching God work. Without constraint, without us pushing, begging, pleading, or even asking, Jaron freely chose to follow Jesus. I credit much of this to the freedom and joy Jere and I have been discovering in the last year or two on our own spiritual journey. Now God has more room to work, and He is proving faithful over and over and over again. We are also slowly learning to change our parenting techniques, to parent with an open hand and allow Jaron freedom to fly, freedom to make his own choices, and the freedom to govern himself. Within reasonable limits for an 11 year old, of course! I'm finding it a little hard to transition from raising a little boy where I oversaw every detail of his life to a young man who has his own choices in life. To find the balance between instruction, command, and allowing him choices... and the consequences, good or bad, of those choices.

One of the biggest things I've been learning lately is in not dictating attitudes. God does not dictate to me what attitude I'm to have, and it's come to the point where I cannot dictate to my son his attitudes either. That's a hard thing when I feel he is being disrespectful and I just want to make him respect me! What a picture of a God Who desires our love... and yet allows us to choose to love, or not. Forcing compliance on the outside has only been netting us resentful respect. However, quietly pointing out the problem "Son, you are having a bad attitude." and then walking away and allowing him to grapple with right and wrong in his own heart has to this point ALWAYS provoked a heart change and a heartfelt apology with a change of attitude and a child who is anxious to love and honor us. Not to say we don't have our clashes and issues, but God is proving faithful to do the work behind the scenes.

Please pray for us as we begin a new chapter in our lives. A fresh, exciting, beautiful chapter... that also has it's challenges ahead. Pray especially that Jaron would grow into a strong and tender man of God, who loves Jesus with his whole heart! And that we as his parents will learn how to nurture and guide through the coming years.

House for sale!

Yes, it finally officially up for sale! Not officially finished, as there are still a spot or two that need a touch of paint and a pane of glass to be replaced on a warm day, but our purposes it's done enough to be for sale. It's exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time. One of these days I hope to compile all the before and after photos to one post so you can see how far we've come. Meanwhile, it's time to finish cleaning... and trying to keep things clean in an already muddy "spring" with 4 little children who vacillate between the great outdoors and the comfy indoors. Well, all except the littlest, but she is already learning how to keep Mama busy!

Speaking of Candice, she is growing and is maturing at an incredible speed. She lost a little time at the beginning of January when she was dealing with teething and an ear infection at the same time, but now she is trying valiantly to make up for it all she can. She has SEVEN teeth in already! After spending a good portion of the day eating to make up for lost time, she spends her time crawling around the floors and pulling up on anything she can get a handle on, which is leading to trouble already. Mostly yet having to watch that what she's pulling up on won't land on her head as did a wooden stool and a laundry basket yesterday, but it won't be long and we'll be having to rescue things from her little grip! At only 6 months old, we think she's pretty impressive.

The last of our litter of puppies went to his new home yesterday, but we replaced the puppies with a brood of new chicks who will become our laying hens. Never a dull moment around here. Ever. The laying hens we do have are starting to pick up their laying again now that things are warming up around here, which we're very glad for! And it's almost time to wean last summer's calves so the mamas can fatten up for their new babies this spring. And for other news around the farm, I have also started some seedlings in preparation for the garden this spring. We'll see how fast the house sells as to if I ever actually get to enjoy the fruit of my labors, but it's worth a try at least!

Back in late summer we purchased 2 wrecked vehicles and had Jere's brother fix them for us, intending to sell one and use the funds from that to pay off the other. Well, after driving them both some through the winter we decided they weren't for us (or maybe I should say I didn't care for them at all) and have been working at selling them both. We finally sold the one last week, and so are beginning to keep our eyes open for our next family vehicle. I'm looking forward to settling down in to one vehicle again!

So it seems life has a way of keeping us hopping! If anyone would like to volunteer to come help me clean house I'm taking applications...

Busy days

Little Miss helping out

We've been staying busy these days! But have found time to have some fun too. Last Sunday was a milestone for us--we finished a 6 year project, and completed all 101 miles of state bike trail! Here are a few photos from that:

At the end of the trail!

Tundra's first litter was born yesterday! 4 boys and a girl--now we DO have our hands full!

Lots of activities

Oh goodness, where do I even begin? It's been way too long since I updated on our lives!

 

Back in May we took a trip to northern Minnesota to see one of Jere's cousins get married. That was a lot of fun! Somehow we both love the north country, and the smells and feel of spring in the north does not have any comparison. We made it a pretty short trip, but squeezed in a lot of visiting with extended family we haven't seen for awhile. Sorry, I don't have any pictures--somehow the camera just stayed packed away this time. Part of the reason being I had my hands pretty full. We had just been working at potty training Leanna for a week, and she was doing well enough that I allowed her to not wear diapers. Gulp. My baby is growing up!

 

With the cooler, wet spring we had this year, the garden didn't get in till later than I would have liked. We cut down the size of it, and I was able to get it ALL planted this year! Here are a few shots of Jere letting the boys help him with the tilling:



 

 

While the boys were hard at work tilling, the Princess was playing on the swings. She's infatuated with swings, and would happily swing all day if someone had the patience to push her that long!

Another thing we got done was the roof over the deck. Yeah!

(Acutally, this picture is already outdated--there is now railings across the front, and flower baskets, and retaining wall below.)

The end-of-the-school-year party! Eliott finished Pre-school, and Jaron finished First Grade. Well, actually, he finished his second grade math, history, and health as well! Go Jaron!

And then one evening we got out the waterslide, a gift from Grandma Hendrickson while we were in Colorado, and the children had a blast getting wet. Thanks, Mom!

Tundra was begging to join them!

What a pretty girl!

(And she, Lord willing, should be having a litter of puppies in a month and a half!)

Then, the BIG news! What fishermen I have! Jere took the boys fishing in a private pond one evening, and the boys each caught a huge rainbow trout! They were pretty stoked. Only, they discovered they liked eating other kinds of fish better than trout... I think their Mommy had better learn to cook fish if this is going to be how they roll!

More mud..

Yes, it seems like spring is really arriving, at long last! The snowbanks are disappearing, and the mud is ankle deep between the house and the driveway. The boys are loving being able to go outside without bundling up to their eyes, and little sister mourns her lack of mud boots as she can't go out to join them. Somehow the boots the boys had at her size all sprung leaks and we can't find any that small right now! Oh well.

Jere's been working away at our house on the weekend and evenings. He gutted the bathroom upstairs and has been working at re-routing the plumbing.

Here's where the old bathtub was removed!

He also has the mudroom done! Well, done till summer once some of the other more pressing projects are done, then he wants to take out the paneling on the outside wall and find out where the WIND was coming from last winter, that was so strong it even blew the handle-less door open into the living room! Everything we had out there froze, despite the heat vent. It was just as leaky as can be. So, there's a job to figure it out so by next winter we can still use the room. :-)

Yes, the two little ones had their baths in the utility sink Saturday night! Hey, it beats the tote we were using!

Here it is, all done! LOVE it!

 

 

And just in case you think it's all work and no play at our house:

Progress report(s)...

Well, I have a lot of pictures to put on this time! Should make some of you, at least, very happy! Jere took Thursday and Friday off work (it wasn't the nicest weather to be working in the woods anyway) and took on some of the project here in our house. Hooray! It feels a whole lot more "done" now, with, well, let's look at some pictures...

Jere starting to cut.

And Jaron enjoying the sawdust "sandbox"!

Here are some of the shelving units with the first coat of paint.

Jere's putting another shelf together!

Lots of screws...

AND... WOW. He did such an awesome job!

Now there's a place for everything laundry room related!!! I feel SO spoiled!

He also did the framing for the window between the kitchen and school room. And shelves for the lower kitchen cabinets. It's SO nice!

 

And another progress report of a different kind. I'm utterly thrilled to have a 6 year old who this week discovered he can read REAL books! And who seems to be suddenly enthralled with the discovery of this new skill. He's read "A Fly Went By" all the way through four times in as many days, and some other books as well.

Busy reading.

Reading to Aunt Grace, who just came home from a couple of months in Mexico!